The End.

I think it's time to conclude this blog. I had kept it open for months, believing that Stephan and I would eventually end up in France, living our happily ever after as a married couple. I had been thankful that France had brought us together, that I had been fortunate enough to find that perfect someone to grow old with, the way people in movies do.
But as always, life throws curveballs.
For some reason, the wedding is cancelled. I'm not sure I understand why, and I'll likely never truly know the reason for it. I just received an email about a month ago reading, "I've been waiting for a good time to discuss this, but is there ever a good time for such news?" And just like that, it was over. The consulate was called and the fiancé visa was cancelled. I attempted to return the rings (no success), to cancel the bridesmaid dresses (half success), and to heal (success? the verdict is still out on that one).
And now, I'm struggling to find a new future. I moved into an apartment in the city about a week after the world ended. I've applied to Indiana Wesleyan in hopes of acquiring a teaching license for secondary English. In the meantime, I'm applying everywhere for a full-time job that will keep me above water financially.
And now, after all that, it seemed that this blog needed to be finished. I've thought a lot about the anecdotes contained here, about the lessons I learned, and the fun I had. After all that reflection, I've come to conclude that this blog turned out to be a love story--maybe not so much with a person as I would have hoped, but with a country. I loved France, and in her own cold-hearted way, France loved me back, I think. I didn't get the future in France I had hoped for, but France remains an ideal to me. And she has not disappointed.
So, La Belle France, it's been a good ride, but I think it's time to come up with a new dream.
I have loved you very much.
Croyez, Madame, à l'expression des mes sentiments les meilleurs,
Katie

Low

Well, here it is, over 3 months later, and I haven't written a word...  I suppose "This American Life"isn't quite as exciting as that old France life I used to know.   I've been substitute teaching, which is more than occasionally a nightmare.  On the evenings and weekends, I'm working at a retirement home, playing the one song I know on my ukulele and feeling pretty thrilled with myself when the residents praise me for my musical skill.
But as it is right now, I'm feeling those "mean reds" that Holly Golightly used to talk about.  Stephan flew over from France on March 25, and we spent these past two and a half weeks together.  They were pretty perfect.  We spent a week in the States and then a week visiting my brother and sister-in-law who currently live in the Dominican Republic.  We surfed, ate ridiculously enormous portions of food, lounged around in the sun, and tried our hands at Spanish and haggling.  It was a fun life. 
And now, Stephan's left, and I'm in bed at 10 on a school night. 
Stephan will be back in August, and if the government processes our application for our fiancé visa in the normal amount of time, we'll be getting married very soon after.  And then...?  The questions are still unanswered.  We still might end up in France.  But we still might be back here.  Time will tell,  I guess.
But right now, I'm wishing I could have frozen time...
My mind is right here...

Stoplights

So, I'm home now.  Back in Indianapolis, Indiana.  And in some way, I'm feeling like France never happened.
It's a strange thing, this returning.  I feel like I've slept through two years of American life.  All of the sudden, there are new shows like glee that I never knew were popular.  Starbucks doesn't sell the drink I want anymore, although bless Starbucks, they'll still make you about anything if you describe it well enough.  I left "not an aunt", and returned an aunt twice over (which happens to be the best part of coming back).

But also, another strange aspect of this returning, is that, this time returing to America, I have to remind myself that I DID live in France, because of course, this time there's an engagement ring on my finger, and Stephan and I are getting married, and this whole exciting future is stretching in front of us.  Will we live in France?  Will Stephan take that engineering position and move us to Morocco?  Or will we stick to the States?
Once when I was about ready to graduate college, I was driving down Pennsylvania, and all the stop lights were green, and I thought, "This is my future."  I could have chosen so many different roads.
For the past two years, though, there have been red lights.  I don't mean that in a bad way.  But I was stopped in one place.  My France life was all I wanted and I wouldn't have left (of course, signing contracts does play a role in that sense of stability), but now, I've just applied to be a substitute elementary school teaching position--not really my life dream--and so, the green lights are back on. 
Stephan and I are getting married, and we get to decide together where we go from here.  We could toss a coin on a world map.  We could, within reason, move anywhere.  Isn't that an exciting thought?
So, now, let the deciding begin....